“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
Marcus Aurelius
I’m writing on this topic not as an expert, but as a thinker and as an “experimental relationship scientist” if you will. We all have other people we live with, work with, gave birth to, or were given birth from. We have to drive on the streets with others, wait in line behind them, live and work among other humans.
Yes, other people’s behavior can be annoying. Other people’s lack of action can gum up your plans moving forward and sometimes throw a wrench into making progress on your goals. Yes, the people in our lives (families, those we coach, our co-workers/employees) are all people that we want to succeed and to be the best person that they can be and that we, in many ways, often feel we are responsible for. But no, their behavior can’t be blamed for you not reaching your goals in most cases.
A lot of the stress that we put on ourselves comes from worrying about what other people are or aren’t doing. The co-worker who, in your mind, slacked off and left your project high and dry. The spouse that doesn’t seem to be motivated to complete household tasks. The child who isn’t going to college. All seem to have a domino effect on us, in our minds “causing” us to not have the life that we want to live, as if it’s our job to control their behavior, or that their behavior directly is the reason we aren’t doing what we need to. This is a painful article for me to write as I ruminate over all the examples that this scenario appears in my life.
Realize there is no such thing as perfection in yourself or others, or that everything is already “perfect,” as it is right now. Think about right now, stop wasting your energy focusing on past wrongs. Don’t worry about what your coworker is doing. Don’t stress over a lack of accomplishment in your family members. If your workout partner doesn’t show up, workout anyway. It is actually bad for your self-esteem to spend all of your energy focusing on other people’s “bad” behavior. Focus on yourself. Look at ways that you have been working toward your goals, rather than what you haven’t accomplished. Do more of what you are doing right.
Today is one of those Universe lesson days (when the world just slaps me in the face with a message that I need to receive) that reminds me that positive reinforcement is the best tool to move toward where we want to be both for ourselves and in our relationships with others. Replace the negative things you think or say with positives. Focus on what you have control over and then control it. Visualize what you want your life to look like and then do what’s in your power to make it happen. It is extremely empowering when you realize you do have the wheel to the car of life in your hands.
Liz Jones is the Wellness Coordinator for the City of Mesquite and a wellness professional in Rockwall, Mesquite, Wylie and surrounding areas. She is a writer, certified yoga instructor, personal trainer and wellness coach. She holds a Master’s Degree in Organizational Leadership and Strategic Management, with a graduate certificate in Ethics and Leadership. Her undergraduate studies included communication, business, writing, art, fitness, and dance. Liz Jones can be reached at: [email protected].