“What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer
Wayne Dyer is one of my favorite authors and above is one of my favorite quotes from him. It’s also a hard one to always practice. In some ways, we all seek approval and acceptance from others. We are pack animals and we want our pack to think highly of us. Recognition and awards feel good to receive. High performance evaluations can give us a sense of accomplishment. But the opposite is also true. When someone in your group talks behind your back (or, more likely, posts something vague on Facebook), or we get overlooked for a promotion, or our children let us know how we failed them as a parent (apparently having to drink soy milk growing up was traumatic for some folks- ahem), it can sting to the core.
There are times when I start to take things personally, like a client falling off the wagon, or people making negative comments in a feedback survey on a presentation. Or when a family member does something that seems unappreciative or hurtful. It is especially difficult advice to keep in mind when peoples’ comments or actions affect outcomes in our lives, such as losing a potential customer because of a bad review on Yelp or a friend becoming alienated due to something they heard through the grapevine. We can all come up with examples of things that have caused damage to us by someone’s negative words.
This is the hardest lesson, in my mind, of learning yoga- living in the moment. Here are some tips that I have for staying there. I will tell you I slip up with this every day, so be forgiving of yourself and that is tip #1.
• Be gentle with yourself.
• Try to focus on what you have done that is positive. Even if one person, or a group of people, doesn’t agree with you, it doesn’t discount all that you bring to the world. Yes, this applies to politicians too.
• Seek out those who support you. Although we shouldn’t need their approval, it does help to feel supported and loved. If you are feeling a great deal of stress in a situation, it may be a good idea to seek out counseling to talk about how you are feeling.
• Start your day off right. It can be hard if you are in your head a lot and have unrestful sleep if you went to bed worrying about work or something in your life that is upsetting you. Still try to say some positive statements to yourself, either in your head or out loud, before your feet hit the floor.
• Troubleshoot. If work is upsetting you, think of how you can improve the situation during the day- not when you should be resting and recharging. Are the naysayers in your circle of friends? Think about people that you feel good when you are around them and spend your time and energy where it serves you best.
• Focus on the present and what you are doing, but envision a bright future.
• Don’t be the person that brings trouble to others. Don’t gossip, it’s toxic. If you have a criticism to someone at work, make a positive suggestion to them, don’t complain about them to someone else. Keep your vague, nasty Facebook posts to a minimum, especially regarding other people. Focus on your goals, not other people’s perceived failings.
Liz Jones is the Wellness Coordinator for the City of Mesquite and a wellness professional in Rockwall, Mesquite, Wylie and surrounding areas. She is a writer, certified yoga instructor, personal trainer and wellness coach. She holds a Master’s Degree in Organizational Leadership and Strategic Management, with a graduate certificate in Ethics and Leadership. Her undergraduate studies included communication, business, writing, art, fitness, and dance. Liz Jones can be reached at: [email protected].
